After work one day I raced over to the daycare to pick up the youngest of my three sons , then I raced off to the school to pick up the two older boys. I figured I can get some food shopping done before my wife comes home. I'm a good husband (my wife tells me). So I drag the three boys to the store, put the little one in the carriage and instruct the two older ones not to touch anything. We go up and down the aisles and of course they're touching everything we finally get to the produce section and I start the ritual of feeling oranges, smelling mangos, squeezing lemons and bagging fruit. The kids see me doing this and really want to help, I guess it looks like fun to them. So Koby (the middle one) says "Daddy, are these oranges good ?" as he holds one up.
"Those oranges are for juice" I tell him and I turn and move on to the grapes, as I bag the grapes and turn back to put them in to the carriage Koby is putting a bag of oranges in the carriage. "What are you doing?" I asked.
"Taking our oranges." he says.
"Our oranges??" I asked him "those oranges aren't so great for eating but they're good for juice". In a sarcastic voice he responds
"So, We're Jews!"
Note: in case you did not get it, read the story aloud.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Urinal Huggers, EEEEEYUCK!
Why do guys have to hug the urinal when they go to pee? I don't get this. This is an absolutely disgusting habit, I mean I never want to touch that urinal thing with my thingy, when I pee I like to stand as far back as possible (well as far as my little pecker would let me). Believe me buddy, I don't want to see your wee-wee or pee-pee as I'm relieving myself. I'm in the washroom and this is what these homophobes do; they walk in, scope the place out for the least amount of guys in one area (very normal so far), then the putz walks up to the urinal, opens his fly and practically lunges at the urinal, with both arms lining the inside of urinal holding his pecker hoping nobody sees anything as he pees. What is there to see? you freak, as your peeing little droplets of urine are splashing on to your suit because you are so frikin close. Nobody cares! The Schmuck is so close his member is practically touching the urinal. YUCK! meanwhile your sleeves are covered in pee from the 500 hundred guys before you who peed there today and they don't all have great aim like you Einstein. Just writing about this makes me want to go wash my hands.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Multi cultural day.
So I pick up my youngest son at daycare after work one day and before leaving his teacher says "don't forget, tomorrow is Multicultural day".
"Oh really" I reply "I did not know that, it sounds like fun, and what do the kids do for Multicultural day?"
"Yes, didn't you get the paper we sent home last week?" she said. "The children should bring something from their culture to share with the class, it doesn't have to be food, it can be anything, as long as they can share it with his class" she tells me happily.
Now, one of the important things we looked for in daycare is that their is a good mix of culture so the kids don't grow up sheltered and unaware of other peoples and customs. My wife went through school that way and professes that she was unprepared for the diversity of people in college.
When I got home, I told my wife about "Multicultural day" and she looked at me an asked "what do we send on such short notice?"
"I have no idea" I told her. "There are six other kids in his class , what can we send with him that's Jewish?" she asked. So then we both sat down at the kitchen table and started to brainstorm.
"got anything?" she asked
"nothing honey"
and then it hit me "I got it"
"We'll send him with $30 bucks"
"Thirty dollars? what for?"
"He can give them five bucks each! That's Jewish!"
We sent him to daycare with a dradle.
"Oh really" I reply "I did not know that, it sounds like fun, and what do the kids do for Multicultural day?"
"Yes, didn't you get the paper we sent home last week?" she said. "The children should bring something from their culture to share with the class, it doesn't have to be food, it can be anything, as long as they can share it with his class" she tells me happily.
Now, one of the important things we looked for in daycare is that their is a good mix of culture so the kids don't grow up sheltered and unaware of other peoples and customs. My wife went through school that way and professes that she was unprepared for the diversity of people in college.
When I got home, I told my wife about "Multicultural day" and she looked at me an asked "what do we send on such short notice?"
"I have no idea" I told her. "There are six other kids in his class , what can we send with him that's Jewish?" she asked. So then we both sat down at the kitchen table and started to brainstorm.
"got anything?" she asked
"nothing honey"
and then it hit me "I got it"
"We'll send him with $30 bucks"
"Thirty dollars? what for?"
"He can give them five bucks each! That's Jewish!"
We sent him to daycare with a dradle.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
eBay addict
I've written about this before and I'm writing about it again.
Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you "if you want to know something eBay ask Eyal".
Since I started on eBay I cannot stop. It's not just about the buying its about the shopping, its about the hunt to get the best deal. Once I start, I'm like a pit-bull to get the right deal. Brick and mortar shopping is fun too, don't get me wrong, when it comes to shopping, I'm not your typical guy, I love it. Anyway getting back to eBay, once I find what I want I check to see if someone else is selling it cheaper, then I check to see what the item has sold for in the past. I also check outside of eBay, just because it's on eBay does not make it the the best deal. I always check retail store websites. EBay has a problem controlling their vendors shipping costs. For example a you can win an auction for a DVD that cost $2 and shipping is $19.99, and when that little brown envelope shows up at your house, it has a postage stamp of $1.78. These crooked eBay vendors always manage to sell to the unsuspecting eBay newbies.
Hey eBay, I have an idea for ya; create an eBay section where shipping is free (or really included) so the buyers know exactly what they are going to pay, or an eBay section where its honest shipping fees. I know that the eBay buying public would flock to it and eBay would collect more commission from the vendors who are selling item at 19.99 and $2 shipping than from vendors who are selling items for $2 and charging $19.99 shipping and, more importantly, that would help shut down the shipping scammers out there. I know its a great and when you see eBay doing, just remember; you heard it hear first!
Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you "if you want to know something eBay ask Eyal".
Since I started on eBay I cannot stop. It's not just about the buying its about the shopping, its about the hunt to get the best deal. Once I start, I'm like a pit-bull to get the right deal. Brick and mortar shopping is fun too, don't get me wrong, when it comes to shopping, I'm not your typical guy, I love it. Anyway getting back to eBay, once I find what I want I check to see if someone else is selling it cheaper, then I check to see what the item has sold for in the past. I also check outside of eBay, just because it's on eBay does not make it the the best deal. I always check retail store websites. EBay has a problem controlling their vendors shipping costs. For example a you can win an auction for a DVD that cost $2 and shipping is $19.99, and when that little brown envelope shows up at your house, it has a postage stamp of $1.78. These crooked eBay vendors always manage to sell to the unsuspecting eBay newbies.
Hey eBay, I have an idea for ya; create an eBay section where shipping is free (or really included) so the buyers know exactly what they are going to pay, or an eBay section where its honest shipping fees. I know that the eBay buying public would flock to it and eBay would collect more commission from the vendors who are selling item at 19.99 and $2 shipping than from vendors who are selling items for $2 and charging $19.99 shipping and, more importantly, that would help shut down the shipping scammers out there. I know its a great and when you see eBay doing, just remember; you heard it hear first!
Banana head!
I love kids, especially my kids. I love them so much I had three. I especially love to joke around with them allot, in fact I do it so much they never take me seriously anymore (my fault, I know). They have learned that I can take a joke too. One day I walked into the kitchen to find my older son who was six years old at the time peeling a banana.
"Are you going to eat that banana?" I asked.
"yes" he replied; all proud of himself.
"Ha ha you're a banana head!" I said in a teasing voice.
Then I walked over to the pantry and took out a box of crackers, opened it up and looked inside.
"Are you going to eat those crackers?" my son asked.
"yes" I replied all proud of myself.
"Ha ha you're a CRACKHEAD!"
(smart kid, takes after his mother)
Serves me right to tease my own children.
"Are you going to eat that banana?" I asked.
"yes" he replied; all proud of himself.
"Ha ha you're a banana head!" I said in a teasing voice.
Then I walked over to the pantry and took out a box of crackers, opened it up and looked inside.
"Are you going to eat those crackers?" my son asked.
"yes" I replied all proud of myself.
"Ha ha you're a CRACKHEAD!"
(smart kid, takes after his mother)
Serves me right to tease my own children.
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